October Shows!


Oct 3 – Great Northern, Newcastle 
w/Rolo Tomassi (UK), Totally Unicorn & Stockades (VIC)

Tiki Draft

Oct 12 – Great Northern, Newcastle
w/Run Squirrel, Initials (VIC), Angry Seas (VIC), Summer Policy & Adeline Pines.

Beatdisc PosterOct 13 – Beatdisc Records, Sydney
w/Oslow, Initials (VIC) & Angry Seas (VIC)

GENEVAOct 20 – Whites Records, Newcastle
w/Machina Genova (ACT), Lenin Lennon & Bite Back

Supporting Rolo Tomassi (UK) with Totally Unicorn & Stockades (Melb)



Been a while, so here’s some bullet-point news:

First up this announcement that we’re playing with ROLO TOMASSI, the mathcoreartpunk quintet from Sheffield, England – add somegoodmates Stockades and totallydudebros Totally Unicorn.

Here’s our event
Here’s monolith’s
Here’s tickets

Thurs, Oct 3, Great Northern Hotel, Newcastle. 18+


  • We’ve booked some studio time for the first half of our album tracking. We’ve got a couple more rehearsals before then, so we’ll give you some more clues soon.
  • Currently organising Tiki Party #2. The lineup is looking solid, now we’re searching for a venue. New FB page for that can be found right here. Check it out for news and info about the lineup. The last one was a big success with an almost sold out room despite many hazardous obstacles that were dropped in our path.
  • Photo shoot coming up soon, it has been way too long since we’ve modeled.
  • If you haven’t downloaded it, go grab the Restless Years compilation, punx. http://restlessyears.bandcamp.com/
  • Finally, we have heaps of shirts left over, so grab one online at our bandcamp page.


Attention City of Newcastle! We’re putting on a big show and you can come!



8 bands + $5 entry + tiki theme.

The Tiki Bar is a functions room at the back of The Great Northern Hotel, Newcastle. It was dubbed the Tiki Bar because there was a Tiki themed party there once, and they never took the decorations down. We aim to pack it full of sweaty people and have mosh and a beer and a pizza.


Fat Guy Wears Mystic Wolf Shirt (SYD)

Aggressive spazz/punk/grind trio touring in support of their new album Dys/Closure. Their new video for ‘Little Consequence’ is absolutely mesmerizing, and it’s over in 1 minute 12 seconds. :’)



Maids play infectious summer/beach/doom aka “pop doom” and are releasing their new single ‘Mechanism’ at the Tiki Bar. When they play, if they try to say anything into the microphone, please yell “MAIDS” at them as loud as you can.


The Sinking Teeth (MELB)

Alternative / mathy / noisy band travelling from Melbourne to rip us new bungholes.These guys put on a fuggin’ HEAPS gnarly show at the Generator Party, earlier this month. So unbelievably keen to see them play again.

Releasing a new EP sometime in the near future. Check out the track ‘Carcass’ on their bandcamp. It’s really rad. And if you YouTube them you can find a pretty sweet video clip of ‘The Gunman’ as well. It pays to do your research so you can figure out how to dance to it.


She Falls Down Stairs (SYD)

90s alternative-guitar pop akin to PJ Harvey. You will thank me once you hear Alicia Dawson’s gorgeous voice. Currently finishing off their EP – but you can check out their demos online.



Emo DIY punx who really like Fugazi and Sunny Day and American Football and whatever. Became infinitely more awesome once old mate Jivin’ Josh from Ted Danson With Wolves joined on bass duties. Recorded some songs at Blackwire Records in Sydney.


I Am The Agent           

Fronted by an alcoholic that spends too much time on lyrics that end up being unintelligible. Set list full of completely new songs you haven’t ever heard. New drummer Dylan McCrae of Bats & Battleships and comic book shop fame. New corporate rock sell out t-shirts available + working on an album called ‘Stay Drunk’. Learn the words over at their website:


paid advertisement.


Tired Minds

The new wave of xNCHCx appeals much more than that last shitty wave, honestly – I don’t even remember the last one, but I remember liking everyone in the band called Tired Minds. Tired Minds released their debut Self-Titled EP in late 2012, and will be touring with Postal in June. That tour looks pretty, pretty, pretty good.






Taking Lenin Lennon’s place. Great dudes.

Please come. Show your support for one of the last remaining decent pub venues in Newcastle, as well as some of Newcastle’s finest Aggressive and Emo bands.

Fuckin’ please share this around if you give any kind of shits about Newcastle’s music scene.

Tiki Party!


click the poster to RSVP


MAY 25TH, 2013

The Tiki Bar is a functions room at the back of The Great Northern Hotel, Newcastle. It was dubbed the Tiki Bar because there was a Tiki themed party there once, and they never took the decorations down. We aim to pack it full of sweaty people and have a mosh and a bunch of beers and pizza.


Excessive noise from arvo til late!

Record Store Day 2013


Here’s what we scored!

RSD-warriorsMichael, who is poor as shit right now and had to borrow $4 to make the purchase, grabbed:

  • The Warriors – Original Motion Picture Soundtrack – $15



pinkflyDaniel, who is running out of things to actually add to his collection, grabbed: 

  • Pink Floyd – Darkside of the Moon
  • Monty Python – The Life of Brian, Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
  • Alice Cooper – Welcome to my Nightmare
  • Skyhooks – Living in the 70s

dylanbrisDylan, who has been hitting up stores in Brisbane grabbed the following:

  • Beastie Boys – Paul’s Boutique
  • Beastie Boys – Hello Nasty
  • The Cure – Disintergration
  • Foo Fighters – Foo Fighters
  • Fugazi – Red Medicine
  • Ghostface Killah – Fishscales
  • The Pixies – Bossanova

jason-dayJason, who is just starting his vinyl collection grabbed some starter-kit essentials:

  • John Farnham – Chain Reaction
  • Meatloaf – Bat Out Of Hell
  • Elton John – Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
  • Simon and Garfunkel – The Sound Of Silence
  • Fleetwood Mac – Rumours
  • Tchaikovsy’s 1812 Overture

There’s still time to get out there and support a record store! You might even be able to catch some live music at a few. Wooooooooooooooo

New Merch! ‘Beardy Weirdy’ T-Shirt!


An original design by Jase Harper. Pre-orders available from our bandcamp page. $20 !

Our first run of prints will be limited to 30 shirts, so if you definitely want one you should definitely pre-order, or you may end up having to wait!

Going on sale at Melbourne’s Generator Party Six!

Cthulunicorn: 28 Hours, 27 Grammz, 16 Drink Tokens, 8 Bands and a Fleetwood Mile

Greetings friends!

The internet is fun or something, so I thought I’d upload a selection of my Instagrams from yesterdays trip to Melbourne. I’ve included the Gramm’s here with their original captions, but I’ll also add a timeline of sorts, so you can figure out how we got from Cthulu going down on a babe to a decapitated unicorn.

Firstly, I’ll just mention that this show almost didn’t happen, but I’ll underscore that by saying that holy C damn I’m glad it worked out. Because the whole day ruled and it could have been a $600 lunch.

Brief dot-point backstory you probably don’t care about:

  • First contacted The Old Bar about booking the show for November of last year.
  • Delays, emails, delays, emails – finally booked March.
  • lineup tbc
  • 2 week to go, still only us and Initials on the bill, book cheapest possible flights (6am to 6am 24 hour death trip) in good confidence.
  • 1 week to go, frantically emailing 40-odd Melbourne bands, everyone replies saying they’re going to see Springsteen or Good Riddance.
  • Pete and Adz from Initials realise we’re pretty fucked and contact 8 of their mates about making the show an afternoon mini-festival at The Public Bar.
  • ???
  • Profit

I really don’t know how they did it. Legends.

Anyway, so its 3.20am and I’ve just woken up, and everything sucks for a while – until the first joke about the guys on the safety information looking like they’re heaps stoned:

#agntmelb (via @dylanvsdylan)

#agntmelb (via @dylanvsdylan)

“upon exiting; feelings of contentment. empty pockets.

otherwise, upon exiting; continue smoking.”

and then all of a sudden its about 8.30am and we’re in Melbourne, right next to the Queen Victoria Markets and its a beautiful day.

pancakes and poo jokes #agntmelb

pancakes and poo jokes #agntmelb

With regard to the poo jokes, well lets just say Crust Pizza fills you up, and we should all slow down on the pasta salad. “waubla-baubla-bobl”. Yeah, in-jokes. I’m just realising some of this will not make any sense without a context for those in-jokes. Ah well.

Anyway, after destroying some monster pancakes and downing some fairly average coffee, we trekked a few blocks in the wrong direction, and then diagonally back in the correct direction, and eventually end up outside this swish looking joint.

Public bar, we want to be in you drinking your secretions #agntmelb

Public bar, we want to be in you drinking your secretions #agntmelb

that’s a nice shot from my perspective, and this is one from Jason’s:

We're having the best time. #agntmelb

We’re having the best time. #agntmelb (via @robinwilliamsimposter)

He got 11 likes for that one, the prick…

We really didn’t have a plan for what to do between then until 2pm (when the Public Bar opens), so there’s about an hour of this depressing shit:

Pretty much just waitin' around now. Cool. #grammingeveryfewminutes

Pretty much just waitin’ around now. Cool. #grammingeveryfewminutes

Casually checking out this morale boosting chalkboard, smiling and pointing at our names and feeling pretty chuffed, and like we had just arrived super early for what looks like a really kickass party.

dat lineup @agntmelb

dat lineup @agntmelb

That’s until we decide we need more coffee, or possibly beers, and maybe some more food, since we’re in the right environment for a good time in those three key areas.

So we’re walkin’ along…



Street art #cthulu #munch #agntmelb

Street art #cthulu #munch #agntmelb

I mean, I think its pretty clear that Melbourne is some kind of art mecca.

After that we headed to Shanghai Dumplings which was closed, and the bar next door to that was shut, so we went to McDoggles so we could have a bit of a s(h)it. Here Jason and Daniel have taken essentially the same photograph of me singing quite loudly a new song I’ve been working on.

(P the C guys, P the C).


Maccas jams. Fuck no pubs being open! #agntmelb (pic via @d_bert, comment via @robinwilliamsimposter)

Jason had a crack too, C bless him.

the bass player thinks he's people! #agntmelb writing sesh. Song is called 'conSENSUAL cthulu'

the bass player thinks he’s people! #agntmelb writing sesh. Song is called ‘conSENSUAL cthulu’

I don’t know it actually was consensual thinking back on it. and none of us did anything about it either. we just took photos, laughed and continued on our way. that poor Cthulu.

The book I got from pudgy panda that we're writing our emo-gospel album 'make a coffee and grow the fuck up' into. #agntmelb

The book I got from pudgy panda that we’re writing our emo-gospel album ‘make a coffee and grow the fuck up’ into. #agntmelb

We waited for that bar to open up, snuck in some brews and did some more writing. Tried (as in: didn’t try that hard) to write a whole record in a day. Came up with one chorus, two riffs, and now we’ve got five song titles.

  1. P the C
  2. conSENSUAL Cthulu
  3. They Don’t Allow Bees In Here
  4. Touch Fuzzy, Get Dizzy
  5. Drink a Coffee and Grow The Fuck Up

Its all a work in progress, okay? So far its better than ‘Stay Drunk’ by a Fleetwood Mile (thats unit of meaurement that I have patented, soon you’ll be able to buy a ruler that measures distance via song charts or maybe just with the portraits of various members of Fleetwood Mac, all exactly one inch long).

a massive Shanghai Dump w/@aquatic_delorean #agntmelb

a massive Shanghai Dump w/@aquatic_delorean #agntmelb

After that we caught up with Adam from Initials, had all-you-can eat dumplings for $15. It ruled. I stole some dumplings off the table next to us cuz I’m a freegan punx.

We then walked Adam back to his car, which was right outside the James Squire Brewhouse. It’s kind of a tradition to stop there for a pint, so we fucking did just that.

Power shruggin' - as per tradition @robinwilliamsimposter #agntmelb

Power shruggin’ – as per tradition @robinwilliamsimposter #agntmelb

Jason is clearly still full as hell from those dumplings. we all were.

meanwhile... @d_bert #agntmelb

meanwhile… @d_bert #agntmelb

this is after a brief complaint about the 35 seconds of sun that Melbourne saw yesterday.

I think that’s when Daniel uploaded this picture of our beers, as if to passive aggressively say “hurry the fuq up,  ladz, we’ve got a bloody show to get to”

Left to right. @miclgael @d_bert @robinwilliamsimposter. They're too slow for a cheeky. #agntmelb (via @d_bert)

Left to right. @miclgael @d_bert @robinwilliamsimposter. They’re too slow for a cheeky. #agntmelb (via @d_bert)

& he was right. but then!!

Totally Unicorn #agntmelb

Totally Unicorn #agntmelb

and that’s about where my phone died unfortunately. We were too busy watching bands and shit to be grammin’ much anyways. Brad Vincent couldn’t make the show, and we hope he’s doing ok. I’ve selfishly omitted a few photos of the other bands that we took here. So here’s a link to actually see those: http://statigr.am/viewer.php#/tag/agntmelb/

Massive, massive, massive thanks to Pete from Initials who waited around for us to get paid, invited us back to his place for a nap, drove us there, and then woke up early with us to drive us to the airport. that kind of shit is why people say Melbourne has a good music scene.

Shout outs to Foxtrot (matching undies), Lucy Wilson (not exactly tall or tanned but she still rules), Shadow League, Kissing Booth, Lach Hicks, Tim Hampshire and of course Initials for organising the lineup.

A touching end to a hectic 24 hours. #agntmelb (via @robinwilliamsimposter)

A touching end to a hectic 24 hours. #agntmelb (via @robinwilliamsimposter)

Setlist (we didn’t play Explode/Trees)


#agntmelb (via @dylanvsdylan)

I heartily recommend interstate day trips from hell. See you again soon VIC!